Fathers are so key in the development of girls. A study reviewed in a 2020 article (Women Health) is only one example of this statement. That research “revealed that fathers play a crucial role in promoting daughter’s empowerment, egalitarian gender-role socialization, and healthy psychological wellbeing.”

My dad, James W. Morris, was a veteran in the US army. He was a military man to his core and a poet. He succumbed to cancer in April of 1996. My relationship with him was complex and often strained, yet my desire was always to have a closer bond with him. When he was hospitalized because of cancer complications, I wrote him a letter—hoping that he could sense my keen desire to connect with him. I asked my father if he was afraid of death. It was the first and last time we spoke about the illness. He provided insight into his personality and his relationship with God in response. I admit to being surprised, since It was one of the deepest of the few revelations shared over the span of our relationship. I was grateful that he reported being at peace and appreciated his wish for me to understand more about him.

Dad addressed my concerns in the form of an essay and titled it, “My privacy is My staff.”

So it has been, so it will always be! I am never alone. I was born a loner. I shall likely die a loner. nor am I anxious or frightened. I was never frightened riding in boats when stormy waves tossed man and material about like leaves in a windstorm. When others became ill, sick at the stomach, and writhing in pain, etc., I was loving the adventure. The rougher it became, the greater I reveled in the roughness of the storm!

My relationship with God has always been one of great reverence! The Shepherd’s PSALM (23^rd Psalm) is my staff. I have never feared when exposed to the greatest of dangers. My assumption as I reflected on this Psalm, was that death was inevitable. This allowed my coolness in the face of danger. When your time is due, there is no escape. When your time is not due, you are as safe as a kitten in a feathered bed. (God promised to be with you.) Nothing is gained by pondering over the matter. Live and enjoy life. It is not in your hands!

I have never been a great talker. Who am I to talk to? Who thinks as I do? Who can truly live wholly and fully and let the stones fly as they will? Words are cheap and come and go very easily! Politicians can be frothing with words, unreliable, untrustworthy, selfish, greedy undependable malicious and envious and as reliable as a humming dog. A true friend is like a genuine diamond–scarce.

I love you. I hope for you. I miss you. Always remember that words come cheaply and are never the living in. It is true in essence that only sticks and stones can break your bones. But words can break your heart. Love is warm and soothing, too. But truth is everlasting!

Dad

Sometimes it takes a while for a parent to share insights about themselves to their children. Sometimes sharing those insights comes easier in a letter. A video chat or call. Be patient. Sometimes peace and healing begin with our willingness to reach out—even if our parent is unable to communicate his (her) true feelings for a while. 

Source:

Steinhilber KM, Ray S, Harkins DA, Sienkiewicz ME., “Father-daughter relationship dynamics & daughters’ body image, eating patterns, and empowerment: An exploratory study”. Women Health. 2020 Nov-Dec;60(10):1083-1094. doi: 10.1080/03630242.2020.1801554. Epub 2020 Aug 22. PMID: 32835625.