Part 2: The Beginning of My Healing (Teresa Washington. Also read Part I of Finsing Beauty in the Storm)

Note: This is the ending of Teresa Washington’s blog on her extended season of
storms. Her faith was and continues to be such an inspiration to us all. Faith
prevents total darkness and is vital in turning our mourning into dancing. Thank
you Teresa for sharing your story!

I had many sleepless nights and shed many tears asking one question after another. Did I do all I could? Did I prepare my children for this day? Did I pray hard enough? Did I give her the spiritual tools to fight? Could I have done more? The enemy was chattering in my ear day and night. I cried Lord, I know everything YOU do has purpose. Wrap me in YOUR arms. I need a word from YOU Abba. In His faithfulness, HE answered. “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.” I was told to “dance in His presence.”

It was December 5th , 2022, and I was sitting alone in my healing room, my sanctuary if you will. I had gone into that room every day waiting to feel something besides the empty storm that had ravaged my soul. At times I felt as though my heart was being ripped from my chest. Yet. I was praying every day for healing in my body, my emotions and in my spirit.

You see, I didn’t have the understanding; when parents said they had lost a child, the anguish, the indescribable grief that floods every area of your being, I didn’t know how to walk it out and I didn’t know how to explain it. So rather that fake it, I stayed to myself, and I would set my phone on loop and play the song “I’m Gonna wait on You” (“I’ve tasted your goodness, I trust in your promise, I’m Gonna wait on You”.)

Every morning I would get up, wash my face and thank the Lord for another day. I knew Adonai (God) has a purpose and a reason for everything that He does and for everything that He allows. Throughout the day I would have a million and one reminders that my child had lost her battle with the disease that had destroyed her body and how she had suffered. I would tell myself to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord, I would say, “at least she is not suffering”, but the grief was overwhelming. I would lie before the Lord and weep, but I was empty– physically, emotionally, and spiritually bankrupt.

Because I was ministering from a broken place, guilt would haunt me as I searched for a word to share on the Warrior’s website I had developed. I began to sing “Take me back to the place where I first believed”, desperate to just feel something other than grief. As I sat there weeping. I turned on my music and the song “King of Glory” was playing. Suddenly I felt my heart spark with new life. I began to worship, and it was though the Lord opened a portal into heaven. As the song’s words, “And I’ll dance in Your presence” filled my room, I could clearly see my Tracy dancing barefoot in an open field of wildflowers. She was twirling and leaping like a ballerina–so beautiful and graceful. Then I saw my mother running to her and they danced like little children. I called to them from the portal, but they didn’t hear me. And I smiled because my mother and my daughter were oblivious to the sorrows of this world. Their whole purpose now
is to dance before the King of Glory. They found beauty in the storm….

Keep believing for your miracle and the touch you so desperately desire. As you stumble in the dark, trust that the light is there. It may be hidden behind a wall of sorrow and grief, but Abba, My Father, will lead you back into the light. I will miss my Tracy, every day, but because I know that she is dancing. I know that I to will dance again. In His presence I have found my peace.

Thank YOU, Lord, “King of Glory.”

Psalm 77:11-13 ESV
11  I will remember the deeds of the LORD;
    yes, I will remember your wonders of old.
12  I will ponder all your work,
    and meditate on your mighty deeds.

During this time, Pastor Gerri called with a word. As she was praying for me, the Lord dropped the song “Goodness of G-d” in her spirit. Some of the words are, “With my life laid down, I’m surrendered now, I give YOU everything… Your goodness is running after me.” She began to speak life into me and remind me of both whom I was and to whom I belong.

Sometimes all we need is a nudge, a soft, but firm voice that says; look at all you’ve accomplished. Look at what the Lord has done. Get up, dry those weeping eyes, cover that wound with the blood of Jesus and tell the people how the Father carried you. Let the people know that after the storm the flowers will bloom bigger and brighter than before. Your family will become closer, your relationship with Yeshua will take you to higher heights. Your compassion will grow, you will make each day count, because you will realize that tomorrow is not promised, but that each day is a gift. So, while I thank Adonai for my healing, I would also
like to thank the vessel that HE used to deliver the word. Thank you, Pastor Gerri for your obedience and willingness to be used by G-d.